7p on Friday night. Math lab. Statistics due at midnight.
I hate facebook so much. I dont care. I just dont care about your life. Why am I updated about it? I dont care.
How many days have I been wearing this shirt? It smells. It smells like vacation, when you're only allowed to bring one bag, so you only brought 3 t-shirts and maybe you didnt wear this shirt yesterday but you've worn it multiple days and you dont care until now.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Daylight - Matt and Kim
Its official. I have been nominated into the PEACECORPS. Into SUB SAHARAN AFRICA with a tentative departure date of OCTOBER 2012.
During my interview my recruiter said there were still positions open for the end of the year but that I would probs be leaving early 2013. Nope.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK. I cant believe this is really happening.
I had to look up a map of Sub Saharan Africa. Its pretty much all of Africa, minus the north.
While at Purdue I had a great friends names Carissa Jae McKay (her blog: http://www.throughsmokeandfire.blogspot.com/) she too was nominated into Sub Saharan Africa and then when the official invite came, she was invited to the Middle East, into some country I have never heard of and cannot spell.
This is the only thing I feel called to do. I think I was made for this. I do not question. At a Joshua House party last week I was telling one of the boys about it and he said,
"Do you think God is calling you into the PeaceCorps?" I forget what I said but he alluded to the fact that "Wow, what a test of faith. Wouldn't such an extreme call make you question? Falter? Doubt?" And honestly, no it doesn't at all. Theres nothing I've been more sure of, no direction I've been so drawn to.
It occurred to me this week while walking on campus. All the crap I hate about Purdue, (I love Purdue) but this whole time. The fact that I left and went to Ireland in search of something more. The fact that I've NEVER felt like I fit in to the Ag school and spent years trying...this is what its all been for.
THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL BEEN FOR. I'm going into the Ag sector and I have no idea what I'll be doing but it will most likely be education.
There are those on staff at Purdue that hate the different path. They want you out in four years. They want you to teach Ag. Education in Indiana. They want you here, and they've never understood my drive to be anywhere but. For a long time I've felt so misunderstood, too different for this community, and then bam, your dreams come true and it was all worth it.
I say this now. Talk to me in 10 months when I'm living in a mud hut with no electricity or running water.
During my interview my recruiter said there were still positions open for the end of the year but that I would probs be leaving early 2013. Nope.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK. I cant believe this is really happening.
I had to look up a map of Sub Saharan Africa. Its pretty much all of Africa, minus the north.
While at Purdue I had a great friends names Carissa Jae McKay (her blog: http://www.throughsmokeandfire.blogspot.com/) she too was nominated into Sub Saharan Africa and then when the official invite came, she was invited to the Middle East, into some country I have never heard of and cannot spell.
This is the only thing I feel called to do. I think I was made for this. I do not question. At a Joshua House party last week I was telling one of the boys about it and he said,
"Do you think God is calling you into the PeaceCorps?" I forget what I said but he alluded to the fact that "Wow, what a test of faith. Wouldn't such an extreme call make you question? Falter? Doubt?" And honestly, no it doesn't at all. Theres nothing I've been more sure of, no direction I've been so drawn to.
It occurred to me this week while walking on campus. All the crap I hate about Purdue, (I love Purdue) but this whole time. The fact that I left and went to Ireland in search of something more. The fact that I've NEVER felt like I fit in to the Ag school and spent years trying...this is what its all been for.
THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL BEEN FOR. I'm going into the Ag sector and I have no idea what I'll be doing but it will most likely be education.
There are those on staff at Purdue that hate the different path. They want you out in four years. They want you to teach Ag. Education in Indiana. They want you here, and they've never understood my drive to be anywhere but. For a long time I've felt so misunderstood, too different for this community, and then bam, your dreams come true and it was all worth it.
I say this now. Talk to me in 10 months when I'm living in a mud hut with no electricity or running water.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I Wish I Could Change Your Mind - Ray LaMontagne
Tonight I completed the PeaceCorp application. Its been done for about a year but I've never submitted it, that is until tonight.
Tonight I sit on a bed set up in the "office" that was once my bedroom. Liza and the baby in one bedroom, Morgan in another, Mom and Dad in theirs and I in...mine.
Dad is backing up files on the compute in this office/...bedroom as I was completing the application.
"Dad, so I checked on this application that I don't care where in the world I go. But they give like eight different regions, so where would you go?"
"When did you get saved again?"
.
"...I don't really follow in years...summer after freshmen year I think?" I can tell you my time and place. I can tell you what I found was finally holding me back, I know it was 4th of July and at the Indy Youth Weekend. I do not know which day it was, the day or the hour. I just know it happened.
He said nothing. "Why? You think I'm gonna die over there?"
"I don't know!" Pause. He is flossing. He looks at me and raises his eyebrows. "What if we get raptured outta here?! I wanna see ya!"
Tonight I sit on a bed set up in the "office" that was once my bedroom. Liza and the baby in one bedroom, Morgan in another, Mom and Dad in theirs and I in...mine.
Dad is backing up files on the compute in this office/...bedroom as I was completing the application.
"Dad, so I checked on this application that I don't care where in the world I go. But they give like eight different regions, so where would you go?"
"When did you get saved again?"
.
"...I don't really follow in years...summer after freshmen year I think?" I can tell you my time and place. I can tell you what I found was finally holding me back, I know it was 4th of July and at the Indy Youth Weekend. I do not know which day it was, the day or the hour. I just know it happened.
He said nothing. "Why? You think I'm gonna die over there?"
"I don't know!" Pause. He is flossing. He looks at me and raises his eyebrows. "What if we get raptured outta here?! I wanna see ya!"
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Nicki Minaj - Fly
Moved back to Purdue tonight. I'm so happy to be here but saying goodbye is tough no matter what.
Theres an excitement in just being here, in this house. Shawty has a new boyfriend and he is the one, she was telling me about this as LaRawnda came in on her cell. She flashed her new engagement ring. It glitters.
Tonight is the first basketball game of the season.
Excitement.
Theres something about coming back to campus that makes you want to buy running shoes really bad. Maybe its because everyone is running, and at all times.
Also, I just really really enjoy being around so many boys my age. It is a very nice feeling. I really enjoy simply being surrounded by people my own age but there something about being separated from college aged boys that makes you all the happier to live among them again.
Theres an excitement in just being here, in this house. Shawty has a new boyfriend and he is the one, she was telling me about this as LaRawnda came in on her cell. She flashed her new engagement ring. It glitters.
Tonight is the first basketball game of the season.
Excitement.
Theres something about coming back to campus that makes you want to buy running shoes really bad. Maybe its because everyone is running, and at all times.
Also, I just really really enjoy being around so many boys my age. It is a very nice feeling. I really enjoy simply being surrounded by people my own age but there something about being separated from college aged boys that makes you all the happier to live among them again.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
There is something about Oren Lavie that just makes my heart smile.
I've three days left student teaching.
Tonight I ran into my high school science teacher in the check out at Walmart he said "Did you know Christa (Somebody)? Did you know she works back in electronics? I just saw her."
"No I didn't know that! I didn't go back there." He smiled and nodded, "If you want to see people you went to high school with, come to Walmart." I smiled and nodded and the cashier girl chimed in "Ya I know! I always see people I went to high school with here!"
I smiled and nodded.
I've three days left student teaching.
Tonight I ran into my high school science teacher in the check out at Walmart he said "Did you know Christa (Somebody)? Did you know she works back in electronics? I just saw her."
"No I didn't know that! I didn't go back there." He smiled and nodded, "If you want to see people you went to high school with, come to Walmart." I smiled and nodded and the cashier girl chimed in "Ya I know! I always see people I went to high school with here!"
I smiled and nodded.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
No Ones Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
Band of Horses is the only thing that makes me feel okay.
Teaching is wearing on me and I'm beginning to think I do not want to teach. I'm tired of them asking why. I said so thats why, now do it. And how many concussions can one team have? I feel like every freshman football boy has missed class due to concussions. I'm tired of excuses, their inability to manage time and their inability to read. Do you know how many high school students are reading at a third grade level? Its a lot.
Today the only time I smiled was at the end of the day when a bunch of non concussed freshmen came in talking about the Pokemon tournament going on in the cafeteria. "Only the coolest kids in school are going to be there!" Their excitement about Pokemon is the light I wish I had.
Teaching is wearing on me and I'm beginning to think I do not want to teach. I'm tired of them asking why. I said so thats why, now do it. And how many concussions can one team have? I feel like every freshman football boy has missed class due to concussions. I'm tired of excuses, their inability to manage time and their inability to read. Do you know how many high school students are reading at a third grade level? Its a lot.
Today the only time I smiled was at the end of the day when a bunch of non concussed freshmen came in talking about the Pokemon tournament going on in the cafeteria. "Only the coolest kids in school are going to be there!" Their excitement about Pokemon is the light I wish I had.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
You do not understand how badly I want to be a girl version of LMFAO. I think they are the coolest. I want to wear pants like they wear and dance how they dance.
The dance kids in my class are the only thing that make me happy. Sometimes I randomly demand they dance and then they do. Last week I taught myself how to dougie (compliments of GLEE) but refuse to show them...I dont trust my moves with out a mirror.
You might not know I am obsessed with Postsecret.com. I've never sent one but a few weeks ago I saw one featuring Purdue's campus. I read this one today and deeply wish it were written to me:
I dont think it was. But I wish it was.
Its official that I'm going 5 years for school. I dont mind that much, I'm not ready for work to be my life. This morning I started my search for where I'm going to study abroad next semester. As much as I love Ireland, I feel like I need to let it go. The world is too big to go to the same place twice.
Speaking of letting go. I had a hard core break down this month and I ended up riding my bike around the ghetto about 11:00pm. I love the ghetto because people are always out and funnily enough, this always makes me feel safe. Almost midnight and mothers are walking with strollers, people are on their porches and I still recognize people from high school. Classic.
The break down was due to many things. Living at home sucks. No one talks to me, I dont talk to anyone and all I do is work for student teaching WHICH I feel like I'm failing at. I just found out about the 5 year deal, was yelled at by an advisor AND I had just accepted that Ireland is probably never happening ever again in my life and that really sucks the most. So in this rage, as I go to hang my bike I see the hurler and schliter Jim left as a gift to my family. I stood and the door attempting thought before I grabbed the thing walked strait to the trash behind our house and tossed it in.
I just want every memory of Ireland gone.
That night Dad came to talk and I told him if he wanted it, it was in the trash (technically Jim left it to him).
"Hey I want that, it shouldnt be thrown away." Shuts door. Opens door, "Unless you have a personal reason for getting rid of it, in which case thats fine." Ha! What a genius.
THEN I came home today and FOUND THE THING SITTING BY THE BACK DOOR. Mom thought it was trashed by mistake.
.
Also, theres a mouse in our house. It just crawled out from under the couch I'm on. Its a baby. Its cute but its dumb.
The dance kids in my class are the only thing that make me happy. Sometimes I randomly demand they dance and then they do. Last week I taught myself how to dougie (compliments of GLEE) but refuse to show them...I dont trust my moves with out a mirror.
You might not know I am obsessed with Postsecret.com. I've never sent one but a few weeks ago I saw one featuring Purdue's campus. I read this one today and deeply wish it were written to me:
I dont think it was. But I wish it was.
Its official that I'm going 5 years for school. I dont mind that much, I'm not ready for work to be my life. This morning I started my search for where I'm going to study abroad next semester. As much as I love Ireland, I feel like I need to let it go. The world is too big to go to the same place twice.
Speaking of letting go. I had a hard core break down this month and I ended up riding my bike around the ghetto about 11:00pm. I love the ghetto because people are always out and funnily enough, this always makes me feel safe. Almost midnight and mothers are walking with strollers, people are on their porches and I still recognize people from high school. Classic.
The break down was due to many things. Living at home sucks. No one talks to me, I dont talk to anyone and all I do is work for student teaching WHICH I feel like I'm failing at. I just found out about the 5 year deal, was yelled at by an advisor AND I had just accepted that Ireland is probably never happening ever again in my life and that really sucks the most. So in this rage, as I go to hang my bike I see the hurler and schliter Jim left as a gift to my family. I stood and the door attempting thought before I grabbed the thing walked strait to the trash behind our house and tossed it in.
I just want every memory of Ireland gone.
That night Dad came to talk and I told him if he wanted it, it was in the trash (technically Jim left it to him).
"Hey I want that, it shouldnt be thrown away." Shuts door. Opens door, "Unless you have a personal reason for getting rid of it, in which case thats fine." Ha! What a genius.
THEN I came home today and FOUND THE THING SITTING BY THE BACK DOOR. Mom thought it was trashed by mistake.
.
Also, theres a mouse in our house. It just crawled out from under the couch I'm on. Its a baby. Its cute but its dumb.
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