After days of constant thought, I've come to my decision: I'm not attempting Ireland. I cant part with 5oo dollars I dont have for the chance to get in.
Theres a side that says take your chance, you said you'd come so do whatever you have to get there. That side of me wants to show up unannounced, suprise all those I'm going to see. I dream of that image, I always have. That was before Tuesdays flight jumped from $344 to $502. I cant do it.
I've a good job here and the opportunity to pay all my debts and more. The opportunity to finish up a couple online classes, lesson plans for next fall and the PeaceCorp. application. I'd be here for Clara and Darrens wedding. The sisters first babyshower. Italian Fest. The Indy 500. Garrett running in nationals. Fiddlers and Bean Blossum music festivals.
As I came back to the Coop, I remembered how much I love campus in the summer. Its HOT, you can wear pants, you're forced into lovely little sun dresses that you've missed all year. They're yellow and floral and match flip flops and big sunglasses. There arent people everywhere and the streets arent lined with cars.
And even as much as I love all of these things, I swam in the pool tonight thinking of everyone of these things that I love so much but my concluded thought was this: I've experience all of these things already. They're great and I love them but I have enjoyed them already, and surely there is someother great thing out there that I will love...but I will not/have not experience it yet.
And yes its a lot of money, but what is money in life if you have no stories to tell? You've no experiences.
When on the phone with dad from London he said "Lys, its an experience," (this was a part of the whole 'learning experience' convo) but it was an experience and...I'm just having difficulty letting go.
Every single little thing in my life reminds me of Ireland. Its all I've thought of all semester. When I dumped the contents of my backpack on the floor today, theres my irish cell phone. Tonight at church I noticed the only solitary hole in my jeans, from when I accidentally stabbed myself with an exacto-knife making Jim and Paud's going away presents. I delete Irish friends status updates on my facebook wall. I've taken all Flogging Molly, Drop Kick Murpheys and Christi Moore off my iPod and I hurt everytime I see the Suburu commercial with the little hockey boys in the green jerseys and the Pogues song.
I sound like such a mope. America really is not a bad place to be, I actually love America a lot...theres just a lot to see in the world and I've seen this. I've seen it, I've loved it, I want to see something else.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment