Human- The Killers

This is Paud Keane's song and I think of him when I hear it.  I think of the Joshua House party.  I've stopped wearing my claddaugh because my life needs to exist here and now and when I wear it, my thoughts and feelings are in the past and in Ireland. 

I've always talked about going five years for my degree and going back to IE for the heck of it, because that's how much I miss it.

This week my classes were canceled  because tuition wasn't paid.  I need my STAT class to graduate and here's where the IE dream comes to be a real possibility.  I've missed a week of this class now...and I'm a little stressed with student teaching as it is...maybe I put off STAT and go another semester...maybe that semester is in IE.

As much as I've dreamt of this, when it becomes a serious reality...I seriously question its sanity.

I know that if I go back, it will not be the same as last time...I'm not looking for it to be.  My main reason for wanting to go back is the fact that I feel like I did it wrong the first time.  Why didn't I join more clubs?  Why did I spend so much time in my room alone?  Why didn't I see more of the country?  Why didn't I do something cool and new  every weekend?

I really want to see Jim, Paud, Hazel and Bev.  But when I think of them, I think of the bad parts of being abroad.  I don't want to do the lonely again.  I don't want to go 3 months without church again.  I DON'T WANT TO DO THE SCHOOL AGAIN.  I love college and I love learning, but if I don't have to be writing research papers, why would I?

Fact is, this is seriously the last time I can do this...that's a driving factor.  After this year, none of us will be in college and all of us will be spread around the world.  If I ever want to have nights out with Irish friends ever again, it has to be done now.

Another driving factor?  ...I don't think I can get into Ireland without a legit reason like studying.

This dilemma has consumed my thoughts this week.

What am I supposed to when I am called no where?  To do nothing?  We're supposed to pray about everything.  But I get no answer either way...so am I allowed to make a call here?  I'm pretty sure I'm not getting an answer because I want to be told I can go to IE, and He hasn't told me that.  And I think we both know that like last time, I'm pretty much going to do what I want either way.  Then get slapped.  Haha.

This week I was asked what I was doing after graduation (if I graduate in Dec.)
1. PeaceCorp
2.  Teach English in Korea or Japan or Taiwan or Rome
3.  Aer Lingus stewardess (you have to live in Dublin for 3 months!  Done!)