Song of the Day

Song of the Day: I Believe in a Thing Called Love/The Darkness

Dreamer, wake up from your slumber

Song of the moment: Shawn McDonald- Dreamer

"The future belongs to those who believe in the power of their dreams."

And a dream is a wish your heart makes.. and you're sure to do impossible things if you follow your heart. Oh Disney.

How blessed are those with dreams. Those able to see something more, something impossible integrated into their futures. I fear the day I stop dreaming and pity the peers already there.

What do you dream of? And who? So many of us wonder and worry about where we are headed and work so hard to get there. From this point right here, any of us can go anywhere we want. I think of the summer and how my time of freedom feels like its flying away from me. How will I spend my last summer as a student? All I want to do is farm in a foreign country. All I want to do is research on the dead zone in the Gulf. All I want to do is an environmental internship in Hawaii. All I want is to go back to YMCA camp...in Colorado or Tennessee or SeaCamp on the coast somewhere. Or ranch out west...all I want are the things I've always wanted to do and its crunch time. My life as a young person is almost over and with it a wakening from my dreamfilled slumber into a pupil burning sun ray through the window of the world that is my future.

Does that make sense?

The dreamless, the ones in the box that is their lives scoff at such notions and stick to what they know. I dont care what I do I just want it to be new and different. It seems a waste for there to be things different from what you know out there and you not try to find them and experience them.

"...believe in the power of their dreams." Dreams hold power but only when you believe in them. And is it okay to keep believing in a dream after he gets a girlfriend? Some dreams you work for...some dreams you wait for (NOT A LINE to be used at the bars) somehow I dont feel right about that one. Maybe thats the kinda thing you never say out loud.

Is there difference between the dreamer and the dillusional? The dreamer and the one believing they're living their dream? The dreamer and the settler? Who settles into a life of mediocredy(is this a word?) after they lost belief?

I'm so bored with the monontany that is my life right now. Its no coincidence that this depressing hole in my soul sprouts from the mess of lab reports, papers and exams to come in the next 24 hours. I dont want to do this.

I want to be outside walking around with someone. But theres no one. Everyones in the same boat, unless you count the zombies and nerf clad humans running around campus right now. Must admist that looks like fun. The kinda fun we're supposed to be having right now. I have less than a year until I start work and get a real life...somehow I feel like this is the end of life. End of fun. I dont want it. Less than a year and what am I doing with it? I'm so sad.

But what is there to do? I want people to do crazy fun things with. Where are you? Because I know you're here somewhere.

I dont want to get old. I dont want a job and I dont want a career and yet thats what I'm here preparing for. I dont want a family but theres a fear that accompanies that opinion. Cant I just chill for the rest of my life? I'll even give back to society, cant I do peace core for the rest of my life? Is there anything wrong with that?

And yet...are those not the people I look down on? No I guess I dont, not people who are living for others and giving back...I pity those who work with no site of goals...I fear my life turning into such and I fear I'm already there. I've no call anymore.

Song of the Day: On Love, In Sadness by Jason Mraz.

Men and the Moon

Was walking to Campus House tonight and was awed by the light of the moon. If you know me, you know I've got this...thing with the moon. We're not romantically involved or anything, I just think its amazing. I love when the moon casts shadows, theres a cool/creepy/awesome feeling about it. The sun wasnt near down and the moon was so huge, just there in the sky, jus chillin as if to say "This is nothing new AB, I always look this cool."

I come in late as usual and as we sing, and we worship...it just feels good and I love it. The Found feels good to, theres nothing like worshiping with people you truely love and love to be around. I love people at home church I just wish they'd learn my name. I've been in the same seat all my life and its been 20 years, I dont think thats asking too much. And there are a total of 20 people in church so.

At the Found today and Campus House as well I notice even more how much easier it is to reach my goals with help from God. I'm tired of seeing men and my first thought being of their ability to be my husband. It hits me sitting at Campus House watching the praise band rock out: When did these thoughts become okay? When did my goals go from "Hey you're so great, I'm glad to have you as my Brother in Christ" to "Wow you're talented AND love Jesus, lets have babies some day!" This is not ok, when did this happen? How and why? This thought has been in my prayers for a couple days and its increasingly easy to think more holy thoughts.

On a semi-related note: that couple was present in service. That couple who have to be touching at all times? I cant even hate okay, because thats a pretty fun feeling to be in that phase of a relationship. I couldnt help but think of the last annoying and awkward touchy feely couple. At the baseball game last season Evan and I observed and discussed a similar couple concluding that neither person involved had ever been liked or touched by the oposite sex and to finally have the opportunity is both overwhelming and mind altering. Awkward for all present.
...maybe that was unkind...unchristian, unloving or negative? ...I think not.

This blog could so many directions right here and theres so much to say but Genetics is stupid calling my name.