Rabiosa-Shakira

I’d like to just free write and hope all the seemingly unconnected thoughts intertwine for your entertainment.

If I were ever to live in Europe, I want to be in acquaintance with priceless art thieves like in Oceans 11 (or 12 or 13, I confuse them all). They really exist. People who have so much money and skill that they desire a greater challenge, personal possession of things that money cannot buy. As I wander through museums of Madrid with hand held speakers pressed to my ear, I hear ‘The sister piece’ or ‘The last of the four in this collection being held by a private collector.’ Or my favorite, ‘This piece was lost”. How do you lose a Manet? You don’t. Someone takes it.

Just like someone took some 12^th century book from the Santiago Cathedral earlier this month. Only three people had keys to that room and someone just took it.

I bowed to pray over lunch on Sunday. I was told “We never pray.” I’ve never been to family meal where prayer wasn’t said. Ever. Dad prays when we leave for car rides that last longer than an hour. He prayed with us before bed. We had ‘church’ as a family on vacations, sometimes in the hotel but I always remember them under a tree or in a park, once sitting on a tombstone.

As I look back at these, I remember not connecting. Finding interest in bugs or shadows. But I remember them.

Over the weekend I met Carmen, Spanish born but living in London for two years waiting tables. I think its easy to be forgotten in a group whose language you don’t share. I often find myself spacing out, daydreaming in my own world as they interact in their own. Carmen and I spoke a lot, we are the same type. She told me of London, how she doesn’t feel like she belongs but there is something that keeps you there. And no one in London is English, she is friends with one English person. Hey boyfriend? Romanian. She has invited me to come see her London.

Lord willing I graduate in December. Dad, who came out of Purdue in a time when he “couldn’t buy a job,” encourages me to apply for all that I can.

All the friends who graduated on time have jobs. Actual incomes, and in the next couple years they will have houses and cars and kids. Real lives. Materials, possessions, equity, all very tempting in earnest.

Two years ago I met Michael Raith in a hostel in Rome. He was teaching English there and this morning I asked his advice. Having heard stories of girls with any 4 year degree teaching in Korea and coming home 1 or 2 years later with enough money to pay school debts or masters degrees, its always been an area of interest. I tumble around the websites he offered and bits of wisdom he gives, I imagine my life in Moscow, Tokyo, or Lima. It seems anywhere you would ever want to go needs English teachers. He says if you’re interested, do it.

I’m young and feel like the world is full of limitless possibilities.

Sorry dad, but Indiana Ag is not the current dream.

My greatest fear is that I should fall in love with something in Indiana that would keep me here. Family is forever and I fully intend on returning here to live someday because I will not live without them. But should I fall in love with teaching Agriculture? In Indiana? I’m scared it would keep me here and all my dreams of far off places will forever be day dreams. Regrets. Would shoulda couldas.

Ive always been a little on the boy side of crazy, but I have no apologies. On the contrary, I think the crazy is compensation for the fact that finding a boy worth my time is my greatest fear. He’d be the immigration officer keeping me from Ireland for the rest of my life.

12 female friends were engaged in the last 5 months. I wasn’t among those singles regretting graduate in their current state but I can’t say I didn’t think about it. There can be a fear in the hearts of young Ag Ed’s mostly because what are the chances of finding Mr. Right if you’re teaching Ag in a town of 800 people? Not as good as the 40,000 at Purdue, where boys still outnumber girls 6-4 AND you get the chance to talk to them every day.

In my mind life ends when you settle into routine and set anchor. Reality beings, job, car, house, significant other, responsibility. A completely fine life but if its going to happen no matter what, I would like to see and do all I possibly can before I come to the inevitable.

The PeaceCorp is the only thing I feel called to do. And the application has been completed for months, can’t bring myself to submit it.